the Tuftees

My dear friend, Jennifer Corrine, died friday Spetember 19th at approximately 3pm in a Zen Center in San Francisco. She died due to a rare form of lung cancer caused by inhaling asbestos. It is the same cancer which recently took Warren Zevon.

For those of you familiar with the Tuftees or with The Sleepyhouse, you know that we had been doing fundraisers earlier this year to raise money to help Jennifer pay for expensive travel and life-saving surgeries. I know that what little we were able to do for her helped immensely, not just in financial support, but the in more important sense of community and love which she felt from recieving our help. Thank you everyone who supported the shows we held for her and who simply donated to the Sleepyhouse website. You truly made a difference.

It has a been a hard week. I was glad to have been in San Francisco (I was on my way to see her the day she died) for her funeral reception at the Zen Center. I was able to be there with her two sons Ken and Nick, and meet other family members. I was also able to see some of our mutual friends I hadn't seen in some time. None of this however, helped me accept her passing.

Once I got home to Portland, I had hoped to give my personal time over to her, but the week was long and Casey, my girlfriend, is out of town on tour. So I felt at a loss and alone and really, unsure of how to accept her life and death.

On friday, september 26th, exactly one week after her passing, I did what I did after my father died, and what I did after my Aunt Trish died, I ate some mushrooms, the good kind, alone. This may seem absurd to those of you who don't know me or Jennifer, but trust me in that it makes total sense. I found myself being cathartic in much the same way as I was when my other family members died. The 'shrooms allow me to relax and open those areas within which stress and society and life tighten up. I was able to see Jennifer again, and feel her with me. I could hear her saying my name; see her dancing; feel her long languid hugs and soft kisses. "We" listened to music, I played my guitar and sang for her, and I cried. When I woke up the next day I felt extremely alive and happy and I knew everything was good. I know she is happy, her spirit is where it belongs, everywhere.

What I can say about Jennifer is very small in comparison to what she meant to me. These are times when words don't really cut it. Love was pure for her. People were beautiful in her eyes. Music and creativity was supreme. Honoring the human race is how she lived her life everyday. There were times when she was too much for me to handle, when I really needed to not be around her. There were times when I felt like she was the only real woman alive, the only person who saw me as beautiful in all of my imperfections. She made the glorious chance of life a possibitlity of hope and joy. There is no one with her laugh and there is no one with her eyes, which always seemed to take you in no matter who or what was going on. When Jennifer looked at you you knew you were the only person alive in those eyes at that moment. She is a beautiful soul who will always be with those whom she had touched in her unique life. I am proud to be one of those lucky people.

Thank you Jennifer, for being there for me, and believing in me. Your heart will help light my path as my Father and Aunt do. I am blessed by your light.

Love,

Tuftees - fucking love you